Is there something wrong with being shy? The Publishers Weekly review of Shyness: How Normal Behavior Became a Sickness, sums up the theme of this controversial book:
"Before you sell a drug, you have to sell the disease. And never was this truer than for social anxiety disorder," concludes English professor and Guggenheim fellow Christopher Lane in this scathing indictment of the American Psychiatric Association and the psychopharmacological industry. "
I probably won't read this book, but I heard a fascinating interview with the author on the excellent Mars Hill Audio Journal. The topic is of great interest to Dana and me as one of our daughters is extremely shy, well beyond the usual sullenness demonstrated by many adopted older children early on.
But Lane says "Wait a second!!!" Shyness used to be a virtue, especially for young ladies! They called it modesty, and your modest children do not need to be medicated! He points out that the bias against shyness is particularly problematic in America, where we put a premium on gregariousness.
When I heard him say that, I immediately thought of being in Moscow five years ago when we adopted Christian. Every morning we gathered in a huge dining hall for breakfast, and marveled as we observed how easy it was to spot an American (or Canadian) from a mile away! The Yanks and Canucks were always smily and chatty, while the Russians were typically dour, unexpressive and just plain unfriendly, at least at first glance (this is especially troubling for a Texan!). I was secretely thinking, "What's wrong with these people?"
Of course those who grew up in the Soviet Union had to be very careful about being open to strangers, but the fact is most people in the world just aren't nearly as extroverted as Americans, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with them.
That is something I've had to learn when it comes to my shy daughter. She doesn't immediately seek to ingratiate herself to everyone she meets (like me) and I frequently find myself getting frustrated at her seeming lack of social graces.
Maybe I could learn something from her?
4 comments:
Interesting. I'm all for the return to a "meek and gentle spirit".
You are right! People just don't open to strangers in former Soviet Union. I think modesty (or shyness) is a great virtue!
What a wonderful post! I agree! Russians do at first glance seem to be overly serious, but I grew to really appreciate this trait. When people DO smile at you or express friendlieness, you feel it means something. Also, the seriousness with which they go about even the most menial job, seems to give every job dignity. And it seems to be the attitude that comes from taking someting seriously, rather than the glumness that comes from feeling like downtrodden.
I also agree about the charm of a quiet and modest young lady. Many girls today are overly brash and loud, and I am wondering if that might not be a cover-up for a true nature which is not comfortable with being outgoing. Overcompensation of a sort.
I noticed this too. They were very friendly as soon as they new us. Probably because we were no longer strangers.
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