Goodbye From Odessa

Update: Boy did I blow it! Our "fingerprints" expired last week meaning our criminal background check with the US Embassy is no longer valid. So.....our return will be delayed by at least one week depending on Dana's ability to get her fingerprints processed in Virginia and forwarded to the embassy in Kyiv. Not being a detail oriented person is hazardous when adopting internationally! See you sometime in mid July, I hope!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

This is our final blog posting from Ukraine. After five weeks in Odessa, the girls and I head to Kyiv Monday night and are scheduled to return home to begin our new lives together on Saturday. It has been an honor to correspond with you. Your loving support, kind words and warm wishes for our family has been surprising and we are more than humbled. You have been a very important part of the "process" and I want to express my sincerest thanks for helping to make this incredible journey so special.

Few things are more annoying than an American who travels abroad and suddenly becomes worldly and cultured. It is tempting to idealize a place you've come to love and I know that some of my postings in the past five weeks describing Odessa and its people may seem overly sentimental and over the top. But Dana and I want our adopted Ukrainian daughters to remember their native country for the enormous good and obvious bad, and hopefully this journal will reappear in a scrapbook that their children and grandchildren will read. The sad truth is that the Ukrainian economy remains more or less a disaster and if it weren't so, we would not be here.

But I ask....

Can a country that builds Opera Houses like this....

Where its poorest and oldest people create such beauty....

And its citizens are so crazy about ice cream...

Where even the stray cats strut in style....


And jaw-dropping scenes like this surround you...


Can Ukraine and its beautiful people stay down forever?
Please join me in praying for God to pour out His blessings upon this land.

Where To Stay in Odessa

Adoption families coming to Odessa basically have two options:

A) You can stay near the orphanages and walk to see your kids. This is more affordable as you save tons on cab fare, but you won't have air conditioning and you'll have to take a taxi or bus to go sightseeing. I would not want to do this for an entire month.

Or


B) You can stay in what is known as City Centre where you can walk to fine restaurants, most major sights and enjoy comfort and safety. Odessa Executive Suites came highly recommended to us and we can enthusiastically second that recommendation. Here you are right smack dab in the middle of everything, and when you consider that you are staying in a world-class resort city, the rates are very good (check the monthly rates).

Scott is the American owner who lives nearby and can be seen daily in the office. He knowns how to make Westerners feel at home.

Some of the apartments look down on Deribosovskaya, the main street.

The oceanfront is a beautiful ten minute walk. The kids all know how to ride the bus to get here and they love to visit, often with two or three of their friends.

Manager Masha and assistant Ulyana speak fluent English and are indispensable when it comes to recommending where to go (and not go) and what to do. Their office also serves as an unofficial social gathering spot as guests are seen daily just hanging out and talking for hours. Dana and I met some fascinating people in the OES office!

Vern the ex-pat Texan is a permanent fixture on the second floor. He knows where all the good coffee shops are.

This has been our home for five weeks. I'm gonna miss it!

Manly Men

After spending two hours at a Russian banya with these men, I think I can say I have real friends in Ukraine. After all, I don't think you hang out at a banya with just anybody! The incredible part is that earlier today I had pulled out my Bradt Travel Guide and read all about the banya experience. I thought it would be pretty cool, but didn't want to go alone. Then only an hour or two later, our interpreter Alyona called and asked if I would like to go to the banya with her boyfriend Slava to celebrate his father's birthday! Unbelievable!!! Of course I was rarin to go, and I write this posting as a thoroughly relaxed man! Making it even better was that Slava's younger brother Anatoly joined us along with his friend Maxim, both who speak fluent English.

The banya is what we call the sauna, but in Ukraine and Russia, it is a multi-hour experience, shared by friends. Slava has served as our main driver for most of our stay, and he and I hit it off from the first day. Christian couldn't wait to see him every day and would run up to him and say "Slava my man!" This was Slava's treat for me, and it was unforgettable. Your wear the sporty wool hat when you go into the dry "Russian" sauna only. This banya also had a Turkish (wet) banya, for which you must remove the hat. The banya also differs from ours in that they use fragrant oils in the steam, and when you come out of the heat, you jump right into a cold pool! You can also choose to have an ice cold bucket of water dumped on your head. Then you repeat the process of banya/bath/banya for as many times as you like. Slava also arranged for me to have an oakleaf massage. They use two huge clusters of oak branches saturated in oil, and an attendant vigorously applies the hot leaves all over. This may be the best cure for a back ache ever invented. Afterwards, we all retired to the lounge room where beer, tea and other beverages are served. Experiencing this was another reminder of how much Dana and I have learned from Ukrainians, who place a high value on friendship.

Methods vary in the winter on how the cool-down is achieved!

The ultimate in father-son bonding!

I am never going to forget these men who I am especially honored to call my friends: (L-R) Anatoly, Maxim, Valeriy and Slava. Slava said he would be happy to come to Virginia and build a banya for us. I think we would need fewer anti-depressants if we had them all over America!

A Day In Odessa

Oh my, what a week and it's only Wednesday! Monday evening our beautiful Anastasia joined about 30 classmates in a graduation ceremony/entertainment extravaganza. We didn't know what to expect and left totally amazed at the talent and potential of these kids. Lately, we've mentioned some of the "challenges" that older adopted children present, but Dana and I were just blown away by the graduating children of "Internot 4." I hope that some of our blog postings in the last month will encourage others to think about adopting or helping these kids by other means.


Meanwhile, Dana and Christian had to be rerouted through Kyiv and will now fly home on Friday. We made a mad scramble to the Odessa train station last night, just in time for them to make the overnight train. Saying goodbye was so hard. After putting their bags in the train car and making sure they were OK, I sat down to pray for them and all I could do was cry. We're not used to being apart, and I still don't know when the girls and I will return.


It felt so strange coming back to the apartment where we've spent the past month. Dana and I got up every day and drank coffee together and shared some of the best weeks of our 11 year marriage. Christian was amazing this trip and I miss my little man terribly already.


But I didn't have any time to feel sorry for myself because the events of today were enough to write a lengthy adventure story about. Despite the fact that the ten day waiting period expired on Friday, we are not able to get the girls' passports until their miniscule personal bank accounts are resolved along with their small stake in a family apartment. This is where you encounter the surly Soviet style beauracracy that citizens of Ukraine have been dealing with their entire lives.


What it amounts to is that we actually have to pay an extra $1000 cash to get it "settled." Then there's the other interesting problem of changing Nastia's name on her Ukrainian passport. This is another lingering practice from the days of the police state when Ukrainian citizens 16 years and older had to carry a passport with them everywhere (in fairness I should say that the beaureaucrats in Richmond and Washington aren't exactly a model of efficiency either).


Fortunately, the woman directing all this frenzied activity was our excellent translator/facilitator Alyona, who is extraordinary. She speaks fluent English and deftly goes back and forth between two languages while answering two cell phones and all my dumb questions. Dashing and darting through every corner of Odessa and more than a few alleyways, we jumped from taxi to taxi, and on one occasion bailed out of a cab and hoofed it for at least two miles in less than 20 minutes. I'm used to running long distances, but I was struggling to keep up with Alyona who was dodging traffic, jumping over mud puddles and jaywalking like a champ, all in high-heels! Several times we blew off the elevator and ran up four or five flights of stairs.


The highlight of the morning was when I attempted to strike up a conversation with our first cab driver who appeared to be in his fifties. I went for the military angle and inquired about his service with the Soviet Army, then asked if he had used a Mosin-Nagant rifle and could shoot as well as Zaitzev, the famous WWII sniper. He started laughing as he shook his head yes, then reached into the console, pulled out a loaded 45 caliber pistol, slid a round into the chamber, and handed it to me! "Very nice, very nice," I said. He wouldn't take it back until I looked through the sites to demonstrate my approval, and fortunately, did not insist on me doing any target practice. He just threw it back in the console and lit up a stogie.


Understand that this guy was the only real taxi we used. When you hail a cab here, you are basically just hitch-hiking. Anyone will stop and pick you, usually in a 35 year old Lada without seatbelts. If you are lucky and happen to find one with something that resembles a seatbelt, they get offended if you try to put it on! Earlier this week, some guy told me at the end of a long day that the seatbelt was "not important....." I was not in the mood for his attitude and looked right at him and said "Ya Amerikanitz.....Important for me!"


Oh, while I'm at it, the driving.....brace yourselves folks! These guys make Dale Earnhardt, Sr. look like Little Bo Peep! The driving is aggressive, fast and not for the faint of heart. Although interestingly, I will say that they are actually very skilled at scaring you to death. I spoke to Nelson Calzadilla about this at length. He and wife Karen are also here adopting and Nelson is a surbuban Chicago policeman so he has seen alot of bad driving. He agrees that it seems out of control and admitted to being spooked at first, but observed that you see very few dents in the cars, and he also said that they pay attention to where they are going and use the horn the way its supposed to be used.


But that really doesn't prepare you when they decide to cross lanes illegally and pass cars on the sidewalk! This actually happened to us last week. Pedestrians just got out of the way and no one seemed to mind.


The truly hilarious part is that all this crazy driving takes place with the backbeat of the constant thumping and pumping of that ghastly EuroTech dance music. Believe it or not, George Michael is still a superstar here and it doesn't matter how old your driver is, they all listen to it, cranked up very loud! More than once today I laughed as I pictured myself in a speeded up Russian music video.


Another memorable moment occured as we were getting into one of the "private" taxis. Alyona looked at me and whispered, don't speak! Nothing ever stops me from speaking, even when I can't speak the language, but I obliged her request and kept my mouth shut for an hour as we whizzed through rush hour traffic. It was a wild lady driver who made alot of pedestrians and other drivers very mad at her so I was thrilled to get out and walk in the rain, and besides, seeing one cabbie pull a gun was enough for one day. Alyona informed me that the reason she gagged me was that we would have been charged double if the driver knew I was a Yank. I honestly think I would rather talk and pay double any day.


Meanwhile....Thursday and Friday are Ukrainian national holidays, so it looks like the girls and I won't be able to travel to Kyiv until Monday night and do our business with the US Embassy on Tuesday and Thursday because the embassy is closed on July 4th. I'm gonna have to stay in Odessa eating cheap gourment food and ice cream for another five days. I might even have to smoke a cigar or two.


Prayer request: I would appreciate your prayers for Dana and Christian's safety while in Kyiv and for their return flight on Friday.

The Home Stretch

Hard to believe, but after a whole month in Ukraine, we are packing our bags today. Christian and I catch the first flight out of Odessa Wednesday morning, while Jim and the girls have to take care of business with the US Embassy in Kyiv later this week. That will likely push their homecoming into next week. Jim will keep the blog going as long as he stays in Odessa, but it's time for me to say thanks to all of you for the incredible love and support you have sent our way.

We had no idea what kind of response we would get from doing this blog, but it has been overwhelming to get all of your heartfelt emails and comments. The most amazing thing is that we now have a bond with people we've never met. God Bless you all. For those following us who are in the "process," keep the faith! We never thought this day would come - but it does! (If you are curious about adopting in Ukraine, please see the links on this page.)

This month has been the most amazing and yet relaxing adventure I've ever had. I have not seen one person jogging in this city and that's been nice too - no guilt! On the contrary, we've eaten ice cream every day (sometimes twice) and haven't spotted a low-carb item on any menu! How the women look so great here is a mystery because they sure aren't drinking Atkins Shakes and doing Pilates! Having time off to spend with Jim, Christian and the girls has been wonderful and has certainly made the trip special.

But I think it's even more. I believe it's the genuine sincerity of these hard-working, sturdy people that has made this a journey to remember. I'll never forget seeing Dima, who is at least 65 years old, hauling bricks for 12 hours a day, seven days a week for the new apartment courtyard. He had a smile for me every single day. Nor will I forget the elderly babushkas standing at the two-hour long Orthodox worship service (no pews here)! These are tough, dignified and patient people and I have learned a lot from them.

But now it's time to move on - to take the girls home and begin the challenging task of building bonds and trying to form a loving family. There is a lot of work to do and not much time to do it given the girls' ages. They are essentially toddlers in teenage bodies, demonstrating behavior that is baffling and frustrating on a daily basis. And the real adventure has yet to begin! This will be very hard work, but we knew that coming into it.

Our lives will never be the same. For the last 4 1/2 years, this beautiful child has brought us more joy than we ever imagined. Part of me is sad that he will no longer have our undivided attention. But part of the reason we've come to Ukraine is to build a family for Christian. Jim and I both come from big families and have always wanted Christian to have loving siblings like we do.

This will no doubt take time. In fact things started out rocky on this front for Christian and the girls. By the end of their visit to America last year, the little guy was saying, "I want those girls back to Ukraine!" To which they would respond, "you go back Russia!" But the good news is that Christian now adores his sisters and they seem to respond in kind.

The kids are already rough-housing like they lived together all their lives. Here Galyna gives Christian a "wedgie".

Christian responds with some Tae Kwon Do on Nastia.



When all is said and done - this is what will make it work. Jim and I celebrated our 11th anniversary last week and we know that this is where it all starts. No doubt our marriage will be tested more than ever in the next couple of years. But I'm confident that if we put our faith and our marriage first, we'll give them something they've never had -self confidence, hope, a sense of what loving relationships look like - and ultimately an assurance that they are indeed adopted children of God. We pray for God's mercy as we go forward, and ask for your prayers as we begin life as a family of five.

Time Warp

You don't have to drive far outside Odessa before the time warp hits! On our way to the Ukraine-Moldova border this horse and buggy offered a hint that we were about to travel back in time.

At times you look out the window and think it's 1800!

Bicycles are still used as work vehicles in the village of Limanskoye.

The natives were not thrilled about having their picture taken, especially by an American...


As our friend Slava joked, if I had come here 17 years ago, it would be "big problem!" Limanskoye was home to a major Soviet Mig Jet Fighter Base. It's eerie to stand in this place thinking about the Cold War, and seeing the once proud symbol of Soviet power now crumbling.

The neglected and decaying statue of Karl Marx is surrounded by weeds and goat dung. How appropriate that the goat at the base is chained!

This Lutheran Church, destroyed by Communists in the 1930's, is now a symbol of failed Marxist ideology.

In the 1932-34 famine, an estimated six to seven million Ukrainians were starved to death by Stalin. Atrocities committed against Ukrainians by Nazis and Communists are still being discovered.

Seventy years after communists gutted the interior, the walls of this Catholic Church remain.

In the first five years of the Communist Revolution, Lenin ordered the execution of more than 120,000 Orthodox Priests, Monks and Nuns. The 20th century witnessed the greatest persecution the Christian Church has ever known, as believers perished by the millions in the Former Soviet Union. But hundreds of village churches like this have risen above the ashes. The "Gates of Hell shall not prevail."

The Permanent Things

I recently wrote about this country being shattered by alcoholism, but don't come here expecting to see nothing but misery, because Ukraine, and its beautiful people will also steal your heart.

Ukrainians have always had a passion for "The Permanent Things" -- a concept revived by writer Rod Dreher. Those "things" include faith, family, friendship, architecture, poetry, literature, and all fine art forms.

Families flock to this downtown Odessa park. A real "Town Center."

Not one person in this shot has a shopping bag! This is the way Americans lived in the 1930's. Their homes are not air conditioned, so young and old alike come out in the early evening to just sit and talk.

A popular gathering spot in front of the Transfiguration Church.

Most young married couples live with the bride's parents, so nearly all Ukrainian children are raised by their Babushkas (grandmothers).

You see alot of this - mothers and daughters embracing each other as they stroll....

The same goes for good friends

Odessans are big readers. Almost all of the great Russian writers spent time here and everyone I talk to has an opinion about them.

These Chess matches go on all day long.

In the scope of history, few people have endured more pain and suffering than Ukrainians...

But they exude a rugged dignity.

May God bless each and every one of them.

The Scourge of Ukraine

"The World Health Organization calls alcoholism the single greatest public health crisis in modern Ukrainian history. Thirty percent of the newly orphaned children of Ukraine are “social orphans” – children of living parents who’ve abandoned them as a direct result of alcoholism. One-third of all deaths of young people between the ages of 14 and 25 are alcohol related. There are cities where over 25% of the population under 28 is HIV positive ... virtually all of which is attributable to alcoholism and drug addiction. Across the Former Soviet Union, one-half of the decline in male life expectancies from 63 to 57 years of age is alcohol related. Alcoholism impacts every social component. "

I didn't notice it for several days after arriving in Odessa, but today I ventured away from the main tourist area in mid afternoon and found alot of young people just hanging out, drinking big bottles of beer.

These young men likely won't be good candidates for marriage, thus Ukraine is one of the world's leading destinations for the foreign marriage and dating business, and of course, adoption.

But the disease is growing at an alarming rate amongst women, who now represent 35% of the alcoholic population. Shockingly, many pregnant women drink, resulting in the the growing public health crisis of Fetal Alcohol Syndrome.

This is a place of extreme contrasts; beauty and hopelessness

There are at least a thousand street kids living in Odessa's sewers and abandoned buildings. Despite their desperate circumstances, these boys were funny, smart and each knew some English. Apparently, the boy on the right believes in God.

As a recovered alcoholic I know that the spiritual path is the only way to healing. Please pray for this beleaguered country