Should Santa Get The Boot?

Santa Claus came to our house this year, or at least that's what we told our youngest. Is there a problem with this? Christian writer Frederica Mathewes-Green says it's a big problem and that we should give him the boot!

First, it's a big fat lie. What kind of an example are you setting here? How stupid are your kids going to feel when they realize they fell for this? What else of what you taught them are they going to doubt? Your kids should know that your word is always good and that they can rely on it without question every day of their lives.

Second, the Santa myth teaches kids ingratitude. You want your older children never to acknowledge your gifts? Enjoy the idea of never getting a thank-you note or any thoughtfulness in return? Santa-talk is a good way to start them on that path. They learn that goodies just magically appear and don't cost anybody anything. Their role in life is just to open packages and enjoy.

It also teaches greed. We may say piously that we want our children to develop just and generous virtues, but filling them with images of a toy-wielding potentate with a lifetime pass on eToys will knock all that flatter than Kansas.

Read the entire column here.

As much as we focused on the "true meaning of Christmas" this year, I'm sure my six year old son was much more impressed by Santa than the incarnation. I don't want to deprive him of these cherished childhood memories, but I'm inclined to rethink Santa in the years ahead.

What do you think?

In With The New!

Building our family for the past six months has been such a blur that we've seldom taken the time to get out and enjoy the natural beauty of our hometown. The James River runs right through the middle of Richmond and features what has to be one of the premiere urban retreats in the country.

The River's most visited destination is Belle Isle, which is accessed by a suspension bridge. In a matter of minutes, you can leave all the hustle and bustle behind, and be transported to a place of rare peace, where the only sound you hear are the rapids rushing through the rocks.

This island was an open-air prison in the Civil War, where thousands of Union prisoners of war died of disease, exposure and starvation. Visiting here is always a moving experience.

As I watched our children enjoying the beauty of God's creation, it occured to me how important it is to spend time outdoors as a family. Is it any wonder that the more urbanized our culture becomes, and the more time we spend indoors, the more agnostic we become?

I read about a fascinating study where kids with ADHD were treated by simply spending time outdoors and the results were overwhelmingly positive in reducing ADHD symptoms. I am diagnosed with ADHD myself and have found that outdoor therapy works wonders, even if it's just taking a walk. CS Lewis and John Adams were both big believers in daily walks, and I mean long ones! Lewis prayed every day during his "peregrinations." I just don't think God intended for us to sit in front of computer screens and TV's all day. One of my goals for the New Year will be more outdoor activities with my children. And the best part is, it's free!

I've never seen our daughters happier. Anastasia is the only shy person in our family, but she is asserting herself as the conscientious, older daughter.

It's hard to believe that this is the same girl who rode in the baby seat of the grocery cart last summer! Galyna can still be a bit rowdy at times, but she is fast becoming a lovely young lady.

I am most grateful for my beautiful, amazing wife. Dana is the most "can-do" person I've ever met. She meets every challenge with optimism and faithful perseverance.

We've got some big decisions ahead of us, but as I think about 2008, I do so with a profound sense of gratitude and hopefulness. Thanks to all of you who've given us so much encouragement during this unforgettable year. May God pour out his love and mercy on you in the New Year.

An Unforgettable Christmas

Our first Christmas together as a family was just about perfect. Our children all exchanged meaningful gifts with each other and demonstrated a loving and grateful spirit.

Anastasia knitted beautiful scarfs for the whole family!

I'll never forget the look on Christian's face when he saw that Santa had granted his request for a Polar Express electric train!


This has been a wonderful week with many sweet moments shared by all. We give thanks to God for every blessing.

Christmas At Home

One of the things I love about our daughters, and that we hope to preserve, is how content they are with simple things. They will sit down and draw, paint, or knit for hours. And although these shots capture them watching a movie, they don't have to be entertained. As we approach the six month mark of our time together as a family, it's easy to focus on how frenetic our lives have become. But as I saw them sitting by the fire with their mom, enjoying a movie while knitting Christmas gifts, I realized how important it is to give thanks for how good things are.

We are all on vacation now, and anticipating Christmas like never before. The girls love Christmas music and we play it throughout the day. By the way, our favorites are Moya Brennan's "An Irish Christmas," and Aimee Mann's "One More Drifter In The Snow."

Brennan's rendition of Christina Rosetti's poem "In The Bleak Midwinter" has to be one of the most sublime things I've ever heard. The entire disc captures the devotional spirit of Christmas perfectly and beautifully, while Mann's CD is more playful at times, but also quite soulful.

And, I must be honest and mention that "Christmas With The Chipmunks" is also a household favorite, but be careful, because if heard more than three times in one day, it can lead to insanity!

Christian is so amped up, he can hardly go to sleep at night. Rumor has it that Santa is considering a Polar Express electric train set, which has father and son counting the days!

Vika Comes Home!

Vika has a family! This shot with our Anastasia was taken Monday night, just an hour or so after Vika made her triumphant arrival at Washington Dulles Airport. Vika had been to America on two Frontier Horizon hosting trips in recent years, but she had aged out of the orphanage and was too old to be adopted. The odds of her ever being able to get a visa to study English were not good, but thanks to the relentless efforts of Frontier Horizon, and Vika's new family, her Christmas wish has come true!

Vika and her new mom (for all practical purposes). Ann is a wonderful lady, who I began corresponding with via email two years ago, as we both prepared to host orphans from Ukraine. She and her husband have four children already (one adopted from Ukraine), so Vika joins a very big family with a very big heart. She will attend community college ESL courses two days per week, and spend time with Ann at her veterinarian office the rest of the time. So, she will be learning some very valuable skills while learning English. What a joyful Christmas story this is!

This is also a good opportunity to mention what a special person Ann has been to our family. While we were exchanging emails two years ago, I mentioned to her how much I was struggling with the heartbreaking reality that it was time to say goodbye to our beloved, 14 year old Golden Retriever. Reilly's hips were shot, he was having seizures, and I was nursing him around the clock. I knew it was past time to put him down, but just did not have the courage to do it. Ann revealed to me that she was a vet. She explained what he was going through, and it was her loving encouragement that finally gave me the strength to give him a peaceful, gentle, and merciful end.

So, welcome Vika, and God Bless you Ann!

About Christmas Cards

A recent posting on the excellent blog of Touchstone Magazine has generated some lively discussion in our home. On the subject of Christmas cards, Marci Segelstein writes:

"In a few days, my mantlepiece will be filled, not with reminders of the gospel story of Jesus’s birth, but with professional photos of children or entire families adorning cards with inoffensive messages like “Peace and Joy.” In my neck of the woods, there seems to be a little competition going for whose children can pose the best for these annual mailings. Frankly, I don’t care. And I have a little reality check for the church-going believers out there who send these photo cards: Christmas isn’t about your lovely, smiling children or your beautifully posed family. It’s about the Son of God taking human form to save your souls. Maybe putting Christ back into Christmas starts at home."

OUCH! As you can see, our card features our "lovely, smiling children." But does she make an important point? Christians complain every year about how secularized the Christmas season has become, but are we not contributing to it by focusing on ourselves?

You can read the entire post here. Your thoughts?

A Lifeline for Teenage Orphans

We just received a new calendar from Universal Aid for Children, featuring some beautiful and heartbreaking art by two young ladies who have aged out of the orphanage system in Ukraine.

The adoption blogworld celebrates the miracle of our adoptions, and anticipates coming adoptions, but the sad fact is that statistically, very few of Ukraine's 100-thousand orphans will be adopted, and that doesn't count the thousands of "street kids."


The UAC's Orphaned Teen Scholarship Program is a lifeline for dozens of children who are forced to leave the orphanage. Please visit their website to learn more.

The Myth Of Safety and Security

"Our basis for trust is not in safety."

Dr. Jennifer Myhre

The Mhyre family in Bundibugyo, Uganda

I have begun a correspondence with a prospective parent, who is considering adopting an older child from Ukraine. She says, "I find I'm so selfish and want things my own, comfortable way."

Her admission is one most all of us can relate to, and addresses an issue that many Christians are coming to terms with. Why aren't Bible believing Christians doing more for God's most neglected children? This was brought home to me recently when our family attended a concert by Matthew Smith, the young Nashville-based singer/songwriter who is helping produce the amazing Indelible Grace albums.

Smith made a pitch for Compassion International, appealing to a crowd of around 500 to support a vital mission work that sponsors poverty stricken children. The cost is $32 per month and he noted that for most of us that could be accomplished by switching from latte to drip coffee!

A grand total of two people stepped forward to help, and the Compassion volunteer said that two was typical for an event this size. Their booth was set up right next to the CD and T-shirt booth, where hundreds of dollars worth of merchandise was being sold to Christians waiting in long lines.

I am in no position to judge, as I am as selfish as they come. I could sponsor several children monthly on my amazon.com and Starbucks habit alone! But I had to write something because I believe the Holy Spirit has been convicting me in profound ways recently.

Actually, it started two-and-a-half years ago when I attended a Mercy Ministries conference of our denomination. I raised my hand to question a speaker who was talking about inner city ministry. I agreed that it was an admirable thing to actually live in the city and minister relationally to the poor, but confessed that the safety of my family would prevent me from doing it right now.

His answer haunts me to this day: "Our job is not to protect our children. Our job is raise them in the admonition of Christ."

I am stunned by the courage I see from some Christians who are doing exactly that. I came across some of them in Ukraine, and today in church, we learned of a married missionary couple that is facing a terrible trial in a small Ugandan village where a deadly outbreak of the E-Bola virus has already claimed 26 lives.

Burying the dead in Uganda

Most of the mission team has been evacuated, but several members of the medical staff have remained and are currently treating infected patients. Scott and Jennifer Myhre, both doctors and the team's leaders, just sent their four children away, but they have decided to risk their lives by staying to treat and minister to those clinging to life.

In the Myhre's blog, Jennifer observes that "our basis for trust in not in safety." But as our pastor pointed out today, safety takes precedence in most of our lives. If you want to have this view challenged radically, John Piper's book Don't Waste Your Life is a very dangerous read. About safety and the Christian life, Piper notes:

"The way I hope to explode the myth of safety and to disenchant you with the mirage of security is simply to go to the Bible and show that it is right to risk for the cause of Christ, and not to is to waste your life."

Until the late 19th century, evangelical Christians led the way in reaching out to the poor, and Piper is one of a growing number of Christ-centered pastors who are challenging the evangelical church to reclaim the Micah mandate to "Do justice, love mercy and walk humbly with God."

The revelation of the prophet Ezekiel regarding the reason for the destruction of the sinful city of Sodom came as a surprise for me. No, sexual sin was not the primary problem:

"Behold, this was the guilt of your sister Sodom: she and her daughters had pride, excess of food and prosperous ease, but did not aid the poor and needy. (Ezekiel 16:49)."

Part of me is satisfied that I've done my part. We've adopted two teenage girls, and are praised frequently for having done so. But the truth is I can not say that we are living sacrificially. We still have "excess of food and prosperous ease" compared to the way 99 percent of the world lives.

I don't know where the Holy Spirit is leading me and my family. But I do know that I do not have to fear my earthly destination, no matter where it may lead. This is a good time of year to rest in the fact that wherever we are going, Jesus has gone before us.

Christmas Blessings

My recent postings reflect on some of the struggles we've been facing, but as these pictures demonstrate, our daughters are anticipating the Christmas season with much joy. It is shaping up to be a very special one as we celebrate the coming of our Lord and Savior, who has made all this possible, and who more than makes up for all our deficiencies.

It's been a bit rowdy around here the last few days. Christian and Galyna are hilarious together!

From our family to yours, we pray for all God's blessings and a joyful Christmas. Your prayers are needed especially for Oleg and Nataliya, and the Haug family as they complete their adoptions in Ukraine.

Proud To Be An American?

My daughter had just received her Certificate of U.S. Citizenship, and as we walked down the sidewalk to take this historic photo, I wanted to get a sense of whether she was feeling the magnitude of the moment:

Dad: So, how does it feel to be an American?

Daughter: Okay, but I'm cold....

Dad: Do you see those people (immigrants standing in long line)? They are spending every penny they have to try to get permission to just work in America. Do you know what it means to live in the greatest country in the world?

Daughter: I'm cold.....


Perhaps a visit to the White House would stir up some excitement? I told her that she would remember this day as being special when she brought her grandkids to the same spot fifty years from now. She did manage a smile when I took her picture, but it never ceases to amaze me how ungrateful my daughters can be. From what I've heard from other parents, this is very common. They just don't get it....yet.

Little does she know that her tour of battlegrounds, museums and other historic sites is just beginning! Later on I'll tell her about our family's heroes who fought in all of our nation's conflicts to preserve the way of life she now enjoys.

I hope that some day she will appreciate the fact that her cousin was the first man to make it over the bluffs at Omaha Beach on D-Day, and that her country is the world's oldest democracy, where the principle of personal freedom and individual responsibility still makes America the beacon of hope for millions. If Anastasia wants to, she can walk right up to the gate of the White House and peacefully protest, as thousands of Americans do every year (as compared to Russia).
So, let me say it for her, and for the thousands of other internationally adopted children who now call America home:

GOD BLESS AMERICA!

Sibling Hatred

"The girls" have been apart of our lives now for almost two years. This picture was taken on their first night they visited us during a Christmas hosting trip in 2005. We've always thought of "them" together, but as we've learned in the past four-and-a-half months, they are completely different people with completely different needs and personalities.

We are pleased with the progress they've made, but there have been many surprises and unexpected challenges. The biggest one being the bitterness that has developed between them. They have deep resentment for each other and it makes things very difficult around the house.

We've postponed counseling because of the communication problems, but perhaps it's time to take action because our intervention doesn't seem to be helping much in this department.

Adding to the frustration is that they seem to be incapable of expressing their feelings at more than a surface level. Getting them to answer any sort of open-ended question such as "How do you feel about....." results in a shrug.

I guess this makes sense because they've never had anyone care about how they felt. Certainly they feel something, but they have a hard time identifying it. At first, I thought it was just an issue of them not trusting us with their feelings, but I'm beginning to think that it is much deeper and darker than that.

We love our daughters and are actually enjoying them very much as individuals. But the contempt they have for each other is troubling and only appears to be getting worse.

I pray for wisdom about how to handle this situation.

Anastasia's Almanac and Other Blogs

Thanks to all who posted comments on my Daughter's blog. We had to change her address and she has reposted everything. She has put up a new post about our family Borscht party at: http://anastasiasalmanac.blogspot.com/

And, if you dont' know about these two families in Odessa right now, do yourself a favor and follow the adventures of The Landrum's and Nataliya and Oleg. They are some of our dearest blog friends and are both adopting older girls. They are excellent bloggers with great stories to tell.

Also, to get a glimpse of what life is like in the very early stages of life at home with two newly adopted daughters (along with three bio kids), check out the O'Hara family blog, who just returned from Odessa a few weeks ago.

Vika's Miracle

On November 11th, I received this message from my friend Ann Matisse ,who, along with many others, has been trying for months to pull off a miracle:

"Now is the time we could really use your prayers,... raise those hands toward heaven for VIKA!!!"

Today, that prayer was answered, as announced by Ann:

"Vika got her visa. I am so excited! ... Please say a "thank you" prayer for His excellent help."

This was a longshot to say the least. It's not easy to get a student visa for children who've aged out of the orphanage, and many of us were despairing for sweet Vika, who is loved by everyone who knows her, in Ukraine and America.

But when I learned that Vika's cause was being advocated by Ann, along with Vinny Rossini and Larisa Papay of Frontier Horizon, I knew that anything was possible.

Vika will live with the Matisse family in Michigan, and study English at a local community college, where she will work toward the goal of enrolling in courses for credit.

This is such joyful news. After spending so much time around the friends of our adopted children last summer, you are assured of returning home with a heavy heart for the vast majority of these older kids who will never be adopted. Dana and I were alarmed at Vika's appearance last summer, and to see how her vivacious personality had diminished as she spent most of her time on the streets. Larisa said she reminded her of a "stray cat."

Well, Vika will now be under the care of Ann, who happens to be a veterinarian!

Thank you Ann, Vinny and Larisa, and praise God from this blessing flows.

Book Recommendations

"If you don't read good books, you will read bad ones."

-C.S. Lewis

I finished reading Nicholas and Alexandra several days ago and haven't stopped thinking about it. Much of my reading is devoted to biography and history and this extraordinary story of Russia's last Tsar, World War I, and the Russian Revolution, has to be the finest book in this category I've ever read. It is also one of Dana's favorites, and she rarely reads history.

I studied about the Soviet Union before we adopted Christian from Russia, so I've always been intrigued by its fascinating history, but this book put things in perspective better than anything I've come across.

Robert Massie writes with great respect for the Russian people and with all the flair of a great novelist. I don't think I've ever responded to a book so emotionally as he describes the tragedy surrounding the Romanovs and Russia's descent into the bloodbath of the 20th Century. His prose is plain, but beautiful and I guarantee you won't be disappointed.

I also highly recommend his Pulitzer Prize winning biography of Peter The Great. Even if you are strictly a fiction reader, don't hesitate to check out either of these incredible books. The stories are better than any novelist could dare to imagine. Nothing comes close to the real-life drama of Russian history.

Both of these books are fast paced, supreme reading experiences which will help you better understand the tumultous part of the world where our adopted children are from.

Sensory Integration Disorder

This is perhaps the most personal thing I've ever posted because it's very hard for me to write about things we struggle with. Because blogging is so public, there are things you just don't talk talk about here. But one of things I love about the adoption blogging community is that it is so encouraging and supportive, and it is in that spirit I am sharing our experience with this baffling topic.

If you are adopting a child from Eastern Europe, I urge you to educate yourself about Sensory Integration Disorder. This is something our precious son has, as do most children who were "cribbed" for long periods of time without nurturning or stimulation of any kind. It is also common to children who were born prematurely and were incubated. I don't think either one of our older adopted children have this problem, as they did not go to the orphanage until age five.



Earlier this year, Christian's Montessori teacher sugggested we have him tested for this. We quickly ordered books she suggested such as The Out of Sync Child, and instantly realized that there was a name for some of Christian's peculiar behavior.



I mention this being so personal because after learning about this, I knew that I had not been the great parent I thought I was. What I thought was disobedience many times was not. He does not like to wear short sleeve shirts, or shorts, even when it's 100 degrees outside. He would much rather sweat.



At six years old, he is still afraid to ride a bicyle, or even sit on his tractor. Instead, he pushes his tractor all over the yard, but if I suggest he rides, he becomes frantic with fear.

He still tries to find ways to stimulate himself, just as he rocked himself in his crib five years ago. The funny position he's in while watching TV is an example of that. There are many, many other symptoms and odd behaviors associated with Sensory Integration Disorder. Please read about it now, even if you feel certain that your adopted child is OK. Christian sees an occupational therapist weekly, and we are much relieved that we finally have some tools to use in helping our sweet boy. Also be advised that this is something many teachers, doctors and therapists are not aware of. It gets misdiagnosed all the time as ADHD, Oppositional Defiant Disorder, or even autism.


Also a word to Christian parents who rightly want to raise their children "Biblically." I've read Dobson's book about raising a strong willed child, and Ted Tripp's "Shepherdering A Child's Heart." Both good books, but I must say that I failed my son badly by using the Dobson/Tripp discipline model for Christian for more than four years.



These guys are big on spanking and make a sound Biblical case for it. But spanking a child with Sensory Integration Disorder, who is screaming because he doesn't want to put on a short sleeve shirt is counter productive to say the least. He or she is not being disobedient! Please read about this and you'll understand.



When I learned that many kids with this don't like to wear short sleeves, I cried. I had spanked Christian many times when he refused to wear short sleeves because I thought he was being disobedient. I was wrong and I'm afraid I did much harm. I am a professing Christian believer, but I warn you that you will get alot of unsolicited and bad advice from well meaning Christians on how to discipline your adopted child. My advice is to throw out Dobson and Tripp, and learn about this very real affliction.

We are now moving forward, and optimistic that we can help Christian to thrive in this broken and disordered world. Now that we know about this, we are much better equipped to do that.

Congratulations Slava and Alyona!

No, these are not Ukrainian movie stars! Slava and Alyona served as our adoption team in Odessa, but soon became our friends and now they are husband and wife. I spent alot of time with this couple and was struck by how much they focused on their ministry together (read about it here). They weren't preoccupied with buying a big house or moving up in their careers, but with how much they could help the poor children of a small town near Odessa. We pray for all God's blessings upon their ministry and marriage.


We had the privilege of getting to know most of the amazing Puzanov family and wish we could've been there to celebrate with them! So Tolik, who's the young lady?

Halloween

Cat Woman and Captian Hook on the loose!

Happy Birthday Anastasia!

Our sweet Anastasia is 17 years old! We've now celebrated all three of our children's October birthdays. Nastia's having some friends from school come over on Friday for a bigger party, but last night we had our family celebration.

Nastia sees the world through the eyes of an artist. Lately I've been teaching her the art of how to loiter in a bookstore, and recently she sat down at Barnes & Noble and leafed all the way through this big book about Leonardo da Vinci.

She's also got a great eye for photography. I've encouraged her to start up her own blog now that she has a new digital camera! Happy Birthday Sweetheart....we love you!

Happy Birthday Christian Peter!

Today our beautiful son is six years old. Christian Peter came into our lives five years ago, when he was adopted from a small town outside Moscow, Russia. The joy that our "little man" has brought into our lives is beyond description. He is truly the funniest child I've ever seen and he never ceases to amaze us with his relentless curiousity and love of learning.

Each year on his birthday, I always pray for and give thanks to God for the woman who chose to give him life. I wish I could let her know how grateful we are, and I pray that God will pour his love and mercy out on her.

Not only have we had the privilege of being Christian's parents, it was the gift of his adoption that has transformed the way we see our lives.

Today we know that we are an adoptive family because this is what God has intended for us all along. Christian knows he is a beloved child of God and he has a wonderful way of demonstrating that love to all the special people in his life, such as "Papa Herb."

Happy Birthday Galyna!

It's so hard to believe that it's been almost two years since little Galyna first came to visit us for Christmas in 2005. She was teeny-tiny, and looked like she was perhaps eight or nine years old. This weekend, we celebrated her 14th birthday! She is a beautiful girl who loves life and has embraced her new country. Before the party she asked me not to speak any Russian as she now wants her identity to be American. We've been home less than three months and this young lady is thriving.


I've never seen a child who loves animals more than Galyna. She's been asking for a dog since day one, but we let her know early on that adding a dog to the mix would just be too much for our family right now. So......

Hello rats!!! One of Galyna's teachers gave a hearty endorsement to pet rats and I was surprised to learn from pet store employees that rats make great pets. They are the most intelligent of all small pets and easy to take care of. Did you know that rats can learn tricks and even remember their names? Galyna was ecstatic! She named her new pets Ashley and Gabriella.

Seven of her classmates helped her celebrate her first American birthday and they had a blast!

Ellen kept us laughing all night long!

Jailene and Anna provided impromptu song and dance
Galyna won't forget this Birthday!

We are so grateful for the kind of young women who've befriended our daughters. Katrina and Margaret helped make this a very special weekend.

Cate is hilarious and quite talented as she writes and sings her own songs!

Galyna doing some High School Musical moves

Our 14 year old daughter with Chris and Deborah Winans.

Happy Birthday sweetheart...We love you!