Hooray! I found a hotel with a "business center" so I can blog again!!!
Today marks the beginning of week 7 in Ukraine. The girls and I have been in Kyiv since last Wednesday, awaiting FBI fingerprint results for Dana and me. But, it turns out that we would still be here anyway as I learned at the US Embassy that Nastia can not be granted a visa until she clears a criminal background check in Ukraine because she is 16! Those results are supposed to clear tomorrow, so the wait continues for these three outstanding elements to be resolved.
Ever since learning that we would be stranded in Kyiv, totally at the mercy of those responsible for processing fingerprints, I've gone through a cycle of emotions: anger at myself for not having taken care of the fingerprint problem before it became a problem; frustration at not being able to do anything about it; loneliness from being away from Dana and Christian for so long, and frustration and anger at the girls for their disrespectful and sometimes defiant behavior.
Yet it has become all too clear to me that this is also an opportunity that the Lord has given me and the girls. I have seen things and learned many things about them that I had never really observed during their hosting visits with us, or during the earlier part of our stay in Odessa.
They have absolutely no boundaries when it comes to sexual morality. I finally cut them off from watching the Russian version of MTV. Some of the videos are close to pornographic, and their favorite ones are the very worst of American gangster rap and hip hop. Their favorite movies are what they call "dance" movies, which glorify the hip hop lifestyle. This is a particular problem for the kids in Odessa, which has got to be the most sexualized place on the planet. I'm not kidding, it makes South Beach Miami look like Omaha! I had a lengthy discussion with the girls and their friends about sex and the reality of what having no sexual boundaries results in. I pointed out that Ukraine has the highest rate of HIV/AIDS, syphillis and other STD's in all of
Europe. Ukraine's HIV rate is on par with some African countries.
Of course they don't get it. One of their friends even told me that "this bunny you have in America (meaning the Playboy bunny)" is not a problem in Ukraine! This was a 15 year old girl! But these situations also present excellent opportunities to talk to them about what the Bible says about sex and I am pleased that we've broken the ice on this topic.
God is also using this time for me to learn many things about myself, as their glaring character defects and unrepentant bad behavior is a mirror for my own sin and daily shortcomings. They have no discipline whatsover, but the truth is, neither do I much of the time. I am much better at hiding my sin. They don't care about what others think, and of course, I spend alot of energy in putting on airs to mask my lame spiritual condition.
What I am learning is that I must confess my sin daily, and ask for God's help in teaching our girls how to live in a family, and live in this world. So, I am happy to report that I am seeing some progress in executing this. I have established a routine where we have an "English lesson" daily, before doing anything else. I wrote down the pledge of allegiance and a proverb on a sheet of paper, and (much to their chagrin) have them read it aloud, several times if necessary.
Anastasia flatly refused on the first day, and I proceeded to put my 16 year old daughter in timeout! She was shocked, but she sat in a chair in the corner for a good thirty minutes. I banned her from watching TV the rest of the day, and a few hours later, she grudgingly complied and read the Pledge, cracking a smile at the end.
Being "tough" on them is the conventional wisdom, but this is much easier to say than do. These kids do not like being asked to do anything, and if you ask them, they will simply say no. So, I have learned to TELL them what we are doing and give them a choice of doing two things.
Today, I gave them an assignment to go out and take pictures of five different historical sites, and to return at 6:30 PM and give me a report on the historical significance of each site. They shook their heads no at this, but when I told them that their choice was either that, or spend the day with me touring churches, Nastia grabbed the camera and smiled!
These are the kind of victories I am savoring. Before they left, I sat down with them, held hands and said a short prayer, asking God to give us His mercy and provide a way for us to return this week. It will be interesting to see how they do on their photographic history report.
Tonight I hope to put up some pictures of the amazing Franklin Graham "Festival of Hope" crusade that came to Kyiv this weekend. For more than two hours, the girls heard great testimonies, music, and a riveting explanation of the gospel in their own language. Do you know what it's like to hear "Just As I Am" sung in Ukrainian by a choir of 5-thousand?
I reckon there's a reason why we're stuck inside of Kyiv, with the Goochland blues again!!!
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6 comments:
My husband am I have been following your blog and have enjoyed your posts. We think of you as the guy who knows no stranger. You and your wife have done a great job with your blog.
We too are from VA. (Va. Beach)
We also have 2 teenage daughters. I know the frustration you are feeling. It sounds like you are doing a great job with them. Soon you will see the love and respect that may be buried at times. They have to try it the hard way first.LOL Typical teens.
Thanks for the great blog,your humor and patience has been a lesson for all of us pap's.
We will be in Kyiv in 3 weeks. We hope you are at home with your beautiful family long before then!!
~Jeff and Donna Robel
Jim, you are doing an outstanding job parenting the girls. It's not easy being the parents of teenagers, especially girls (LOL), but looks like you are already a pro! Hope you'll come home VERY SOON!
As PAPs waiting for our dossier to be submitted, your blog has been a wonderful portal into the adoption process, the country and people of Ukraine and the joys and challenges of parenting your new children. Thank you for sharing all of your experiences.
It sounds like you are doing a wonderful job. We will keep you in our prayers and hope that you are all home together soon.
Kristina was with us for nearly three months when she came last summer, plenty of time to get past the honeymoon period and see her (and our) true colors. I would be the stern disciplinarian in front of her and then often retreat to my room to cry and pray for strength. They're coming from such a different world, but we are still the Christian parents that God has called us to be. We will stand when they rage and rail, holding the line. And when it passes, we will show them what unconditional love looks like, the love of our Father. I am dreading going through this process again when we bring Kristina home for good, but I will cling to the memories of self discipline and obedience we saw from her near the end of her summer visit. There is a light at the end of the tunnel.
Thanks for being honest about this very difficult side of parenting. I know Dana and Christian must miss you all. We're praying for a speedy return home.
You have enough of a challenge. You don't need the added bruises from beating yourself up.
Besides, you know what they call perfect people?
Dead!
What a time of spiritual and emotional growth for you and the girls. The time can only make you stronger but I understand completely the burning desire to return to the US and begin your lives as a whole family.
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