Avoiding the Poor House

As stupid as it sounds, I just didn't realize how much girls eat! It didn't take long to realize that having two teenage daughters exposed our budgeting defects in a frightening way. With a family of three, we had been able to pretty much wing it when it came to grocery shopping, meal planning, etc. Something had to change.

This book has been a Godsend! Dana and I are reading it together and it has already made a huge difference in getting our spending under control. The chapter on how to grocery shop is revolutionary. It's all common sense stuff, but the degree to which we had become automated mass consumers, wasting huge percentages of our God-given resources, is astonishing. I don't exaggerate in saying this is the most important book I've ever purchased.


I've been so convicted lately in grasping the fact that we are teaching our children how to live, and chances are very high that they will make decisions about their lifestyles based on what they see their parents do.

Thus, I've taken to teaching Christian some vital life skills! He doesn't care if his clothes come from the thrift store. No sense on spending 15 dollars on a pair of pajamas anyway because he refuses to wear a matching top and bottom!

And, he has no idea that I traded his old plastic slide and toddler bed for his new/old clothes! We're also trying to nurture his interest in non-electronic forms of recreation. Becoming slaves to the whole video and computer entertainment world comes with a price to pay in more ways than one.

At the seven month mark, we are a family. Nearly all of the strangeness has gone. It feels almost natural, and now that we're getting a grip on the financial shock of clothing, feeding, medicating and educating two teenagers, we are confident going forward. Dana's already talking about another adoption!

Maybe She Has A Point?

I knew something was up when I heard Galyna laughing hysterically downstairs. She was treating our 13 year old cat "Champ" to a ride on my office chair, spinning him around like a top:

Dad: Galyna....Don't do that! Champy is too old and I don't think he's enjoying it."

Galyna: "Sometimes old people need doing for himself fun!"

Good Movies

It didn't take long to figure out that our daughter's did not learn much about history at the orphanage and much to their father's dismay, they showed no enthusiasm for my attempts to engage them about their own country's history, or any other historical topic. But they love movies, and we've seen some outstanding films portraying important moments in the 20th century, and this has been an effective means of getting them excited about history.

Here are three favorites:


Sophie Scholl is one of the powerful movies I've ever seen. It is the true story of a college-age German woman who demonstrates stunning moral courage in standing up to the Nazis. The end of movie somberly demonstates her Christian faith.

The story of the Rwandan genocide is something I've only been learning about in the past year. Like many Westerners, I had known something terrible happened somewhere in Africa in 1994, but I'm ashamed to say that it didn't have much effect. I've seen three movies that have awakened me to this modern holocaust and in my mind, Beyond the Gates is the best. The great John Hurt gives a memorable and believable portrayal of a Priest ministering to a group of doomed refugees.

Our daughters are one-quarter Jewish and they had never heard about the Holocaust! This 1970's movie stars Patricia Neal as the heroic Corrie Ten Boom and it has stood the test of time well. The Hiding Place is beautifully acted and haunting. I liked it particularly because it shows how Ten Boom faced a crisis of faith in unimaginably horrific circumstances. It is long, but gripping throughout.

Music Recommendation

We spend alot of time in the mini-van and until now, I thought it was impossible to keep everyone happy with music or books-on-tape selections.

Alas, I've made a wondrous discovery! It was risky given their general lack of enthusiasm for classical music, but I had read a good review of the Classical Kids CD series, and I grabbed Vivaldi's Ring of Mystery to sample.

The result is that it is a smash hit! - all three of our children, ages 6, 14, and 17 love it! They want to hear it every time they get in the car, and the bonus is, it is so well produced that I really like it too.

It's not your standard "teach your kids classical music" fare. Vivaldi's music is weaved throughout a story about a young orphan girl, who lives with other orphans at a school where all the children play instruments.

The story is fictional, but it drops in nuggets of truth and presents classical music in a unique and compelling way. This is something I can safely say is a good investment, and recommend highly. You can get the entire series on amazon for $35.

You Cannot Do Otherwise

On occasion I receive private emails from prospective parents at various stages of the Ukraine adoption process. It's always amusing and humbling that someone would seek my advice, but I love having an opportunity to share our experience and hope with other families. Most everyone is experiencing some degree of fear - everything from the home study (no big deal), driving in Ukraine (very scary!) or dealing with hurting children.

It took us 18 months from the beginning to the end of our "process" and we faced much fear. But I was continually inspired and encouraged by all the great adoption blogs, especially those who were in Ukraine. At times I thought we would never get there and back, and the anxiety of actually making it all happen was overwhelming.

I think this why you see so many of us writing about our faith. We realize that we can only do so much. The results and timing are entirely in God's hands. But sometimes we forget that and are vulnerable to discouragement along the way. So, for anyone who is getting jittery, let me suggest that you do yourself a favor and read the brilliant biography of John Adams, by David McCullough.

I live in the land of Patrick Henry, Thomas Jefferson and George Washington, but after reading this magnificent account of our second President, Adams takes a backseat to none, and is arguably the cream of the crop. Certainly, none of the other luminaries of the American Revolution shared Adams' devout Christian faith. He had never sailed on a sea-going ship before, but with unbelievable courage, he accepted an assignment for a dangerous transatlantic diplomatic mission to France in the middle of the war, with his ten year old son! McCullough writes:

"He was embarking on a 3,000 mile voyage on the North Atlantic in its most treacherous season...Adams was leaving his wife, children, friends, his home, his livelihood, everything he loved. He was risking his life and that of his small son, risking capture and who knew what horrors and indignities as a prisoner. At age forty-two he was bound for an unimaginably distant world apart, with very little idea of what was in store and every cause to be extremely apprehensive. But with his overriding sense of duty, his need to serve, his ambition, and as a patriot fiercely committed to the fight for independence, he could not have done otherwise."

Indeed the voyage nearly killed everyone on board, but Adams and young John Quincy made it and went on to turn the tide of our nation's future. When I read the above words I thought of how adoptive parents feel likewise. Despite all the insanity one goes through by choosing to adopt in wild and wonderful Ukraine, we could not have done otherwise!

Today in church, we were reminded of the words of Psalm 139:16: "All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be." As our pastor put it, God ordains our birth and death. It is all in His hands and we no longer have to be overwhelmed by our anxiety over what could go wrong. In fact, we can live courageously because our life is not our own!

I am grateful to all you who've written me heartfelt messages. Many of you prayed for us during our seven week adventure, and I am happy to return the favor as you step out in faith - you can not do otherwise.

Adopted By God

A young man in our church who is a first year seminarian at Covenant Theological Seminary surprised me at Christmas by giving me a book by one of his professors titled "Adopted by God."

Jeremy has always taken a great interest in our adoption drama, and it was especially touching that he wanted me to have a book emphasizing a Biblical teaching that hits so close to home, as all three of our children are adopted.

Some of this book was very hard to get through, as Peterson intersperses stories from adults who were betrayed by their earthly fathers. Barbara writes:

I remember the day my dad left. He knelt and hugged me and cried. The skimpy dress of a five year old girl could not protect me from the chill that gathered around my arms and legs. The scratchy, tickly whiskers - would I feel them no more? The arms that felt so safe - would they be gone forever?

As I read this I thought about our girls and the father who abandoned them, but also about the hurt and pain of my childhood, and it occured to me that this is something I suspect many adoptive parents can relate to. What kind of people are attracted to bring a hurting child into their homes? Undoubtedly, adoptive parents are people with big hearts, but I think in many cases, we are also people who had difficult childhoods. It is no coincidence that Dana and I both came from abusive, alcoholic families and it's no surprise that we've brought two teenage girls into our family who came from far worse situations than ours. From the absolute wreckage of our past, God has redeemed us and equipped us to enter into the lives of others who've experienced brokenness.

Our Father poured His grace and mercy out on us and made us His children. It took me a long time to apprehend this, but because I've been adopted too, I don't have to regret the past:

When the time had fully come, God sent his Son, born of a woman, born under law, to redeem those under the law, that we might receive the full
rights of sons." (Gal. 4:4-5)

Yes, we are His children, but there's a part of this that we would rather avoid, as Peterson warns:

This means that sharing in Christ's sufferings are a normal part ofthe Christian life. It comes with the territory. Belonging to Christ involves sharing in all that is his, including suffering now and glory later.

I don't like to hear this. I'm ready for things to start getting easier, but I write this on a day when Dana and I are struggling with one of our children and faced with some big decisions. So when I read that we share in Christ's sufferings, I am actually encouraged. We have a worldwide family (much of which is being actively persecuted) called the church that carries our burdens with us, and most importantly, a brother who knows our struggles and intercedes to the Father on our behalf.

Reading this book has been difficult, but it's also been a great blessing as I learn more about what it means to be an adoptive father and an adopted son of God.

Thanks Jeremy!

Six Months!

Oh my!.....My daughter Anastasia has just informed me that today is the six month anniversary of our Virginia homecoming! She has updated her blog with some thoughts on school, homework and a beautiful Psalm she composed for her Bible class!