One of the hardest things about the Ukrainian adoption experience is you spend alot of time around your adopted children's friends and you leave them behind knowing most will never be adopted, especially in the case of boys. This is unfortunate.
We saw Volva almost every day, and it hurt so much to see his precious smile, knowing that he was losing hope of finding a family. I'd love to see him get adopted, and am confident he would thrive. The few boys I'm familiar with who've been adopted from Ukraine are doing very well indeed, and I met many in Odessa who I immediately liked and felt would transition well in America.
I'll never forget walking past this group of boys at Orphanage #4. They were just hanging out with nothing to do, and I walked by them with my camera, on my way to an outing with our girls. As we exchanged head nods, I couldn't help imagining what they were thinking. Like, "What's wrong with me....why do you rich Americans only come over here and adopt pretty girls?"
These boys are smart, healthy, talented, and have so much potential. It breaks my heart to think about their bleak futures.
We have been very lucky because our daughters are doing great and we love them dearly. But if we ever go back, I'm going to lobby for a boy. If you are considering adopting an older child and haven't made up your mind, please think about giving one of these boys a chance.
13 comments:
Thanks for posting this. I work with orphanages in eastern Ukraine as a volunteer, and this is sooo true. Not only are there fewer boy adoptions, there are MANY more boys available for adoption. So sad. We are leaving two weeks from tomorrow to adopt two boys from an Internat, and we're thrilled. YEAH, BOYS!!! You SHOULD return and adopt another boy! Your son won't be outnumbered, then! :-)
We started out to adopt two girls and then added Masha's brother to the list when we found out he was available. We originally started with Yulia and Masha, because our friend Michelle knew the girls well, wanted them to be adopted and they were on the verge of "aging out". We love the girls dearly and are so glad that they are now our daughters, but we feel extremely blessed that we also have a new son. Igor is a very pleasant and agreeable young man. He is anxious to please and has a good sense of humor. He knows less English than the girls, but has been taking lessons while we have been here. We also cast a vote for boys.
We started out to adopt two girls and then added Masha's brother to the list when we found out he was available. We originally started with Yulia and Masha, because our friend Michelle knew the girls well, wanted them to be adopted and they were on the verge of "aging out". We love the girls dearly and are so glad that they are now our daughters, but we feel extremely blessed that we also have a new son. Igor is a very pleasant and agreeable young man. He is anxious to please and has a good sense of humor. He knows less English than the girls, but has been taking lessons while we have been here. We also cast a vote for boys.
You are right - unfortunately, for some reason most adoptions are of girls. But I agree that most likely it's much easier for the boys to adapt to the new environment. I even find it much more difficult to parent my bio daughter compare to my son! It's so much easier with the boys!
Thank you so much for speaking of the boys. We always said if we ever adopted we would want a little girl because we already have 2 boys. We wanted that experience of having a daughter. But, God had other plans for our family. I can't imagine not adopting Grisha. I feel he will do well here. He always has a smile on his face and he is such a sweetheart. I love my boys and I do hope people consider adopting boys. Thanks again for speaking up for them.
Grisha is a perfect example: a great kid, who likely would have been overlooked if it wasn't for you. (See Grisha here: http://gettingthegirls.blogspot.com/2007/06/grisha-and-katrina.html)
And you are so right about God having surprises for us. I think that so often His will for us is not what we think it is!
How did you decide to adopt girls?
(Begging your pardon if you explained this earlier in your blog and I forgot the reasoning.)
John -- Dana really wanted to have daughters, and I must admit that I was probably prejudiced against an older boy because I didn't want to put our six year old son at risk. Our case is a good example of my post, and admittedly, I'm just now starting to realize that alot of it is subconscious. I think many of us just feel like if things go wrong, a girl is going to be less dangerous. But the truth is that very few of these kids are violent. Unfortunately, you hear alot about the adoptions gone wrong, whereas, most of us doing just fine. The really bad stories I'm familiar with all involve older girls.
Lately I have been wanting to have sons. I'm not sure where it's coming from, though I remember when I was little that I wanted to have a little boy with blond hair. :-) Maybe we'll have Hoffmann boys around here someday!
I love the beautiful boys of Ukraine and they always break my heart.
As I walked the streets of outer Odessa and would see them come from the sewers. I would cry for them. I cried because it could have been the fate of my son's. One of my boys would probably never have been adopted if we had turned him down because he was not thriving. He would have been one of the boys in your photos. A child too hard to handle that noone would want to adopt the older he got.
What fate beheld them had we not chosen our boys?
In the same spirit what fate held my daughter with her unrepaired cl/cp had we chosen as many to by pass those with a few more flaws.
I love my boys and I am grateful to have a daughter as well!
Let's hear it for the boys! We are in the process of adopting two unrelated boys, ages 10 and 15, that we met on a hosting program. I thank God for this turn of events because when my husband and I first began to consider adoption we said "definitely no teenage boys!" We have a 14 year old daughter to consider. But after meeting these boys, we have no qualms whatsoever about them. The oldest is supposed to "graduate" from the internat in May. Pray with me if you would that we would have him home by then. We are awaiting dossier submission.
We have adopted four Russian boys, and they are wonderful, remarkable, totally lovable children. (Actually, my Sergei is Ukrainian by heritage, as he never ceases to remind us!)
Thank you all for your comments. My husband and I have been discussing the adoption of a specific older boy from the Ukraine. We felt we were almost certain but still had a few reservations about an older boy because we have 2 girls. Your comments have really helped us and we both agree that we will go forward with the adoption of our son.
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