Building a Family

It happened today. A day earlier than expected, without much notice and without appropriate attire - we drove down to the courthouse and within a matter of minutes became a family of five. More than that - we (Jim and I) became parents of two teenage, non-English speaking, lovely, sweet, frustrating, strong-willed, Ukrainian sisters!

This picture was taken immediately after we left the courtroom. The judge was a handsome, 40ish man who wore casual slacks and a short-sleeved button down shirt (no tie). He had a charming and kind demeanor. The proceeding lasted no more than 10 or 12 minutes, but he made us feel at ease and even had us laughing. When Jim told him he was born in Texas, the judge asked him where his gun and holster was. As we left the courtroom, he gave Christian a high-five!

This is a picture of the courthouse. It was slightly less formal than we are used to in America. Not only did they sell candy and soda on the first floor, they sold beer! I resisted the urge to imbibe before court, but given the magnitude of what was happening, I may not have held back if they had sold wine.

This shot was taken before we went into the courthouse. Amazing that in just a few short minutes I would officially be the Mother to these two girls. (Although it is not completely official until after the 10 day waiting period.)

Here we go....

I wanted the girls to understand and appreciate the significance of this event. I am telling them (as Alyona, our lovely interpreter was translating) here how honored and touched I am that they want me to be their Mom.

This shot was taken outside shortly after court. The sun was shining, it was very hot and not everyone was entirely happy about taking another photo. Such is life. While I would really like to say that today was a joyous day, what surprised me most was how unemotional and anticlimactic it was. Not that it wasn't significant or important or even life-changing. It was and it is. And I am a very emotional person. But I was caught off guard by how matter-of-fact the whole affair was. Perhaps after a year and a half of waiting and working to make this happen - we are a bit drained emotionally. Or perhaps it was because we have been through this before with our Russian son. More likely however, we are reacting, like so many who have adopted before us, to the reality that we are in this for life and that it is not always pretty.

What we have learned is that although these tenacious kids can be sweet and loving, they're also frequently inflexible and ungrateful. From our experience, but mostly from sharing the stories of others who have gone before us, we have learned that they have never been taught how to respect others or control their emotions; they have never learned how to edit their thoughts or control their actions. Pouting is their automatic response to just about anything that doesn't go their way. They have been in pure survival mode for most of their precious young lives and have never learned the simple courtesies and manners we take for granted.

And so my goal is to teach these kids some basic skills that will help them be successful adults in America. This is no small task. There is a lot to learn and not much time to do it given their ages. I want to value every minute we have. I want to watch girlie movies and eat popcorn with them. I want to play games together and shop and talk and laugh with them - with my new daughters. But more importantly I want to share my hope, my faith, my values and my joy with them. I don't know if they will get it but I will try. At the very least I want them to learn to love themselves and realize that they have value in this world and that they matter. Not only to each other, or to Jim and me, but to the world at large. That they have a place here - just as much as any of us does.