Farewell Dear Friends

Today is the one year anniversary of our "family day" - the day we were officially declared in court to be the adoptive parents of sisters Galyna and Anastasia. Like most others, I began blogging to keep family and friends updated on our journey while in Ukraine, but sharing our experience with you has been so rewarding, and blogging became such a habit, that I've continued since our arrival home last July.

I will probably never have the chance to meet you, so let me say how much you've meant to me, and to all my family. Your comments and emails have been such an important part of my life that it's hard to say goodbye. But the time has come for me to spend less time blogging and more time parenting as we become a homeschool family, juggling work and school.

I will continue reading your blogs of course, and may even start up a homeschooling blog later this summer, so perhaps you haven't heard the last of me.

Whether you are pre-adoptive, post-adoptive (or non-adoptive), I pray for all God's blessings on your journey. If you are preparing for a trip to Ukraine, I've listed some links to old posts below that you may find helpful.

The gift of adoption has been an indescribable joy for our family, and I thank you for sharing in our lives the past 13 months.

Grace and Peace - Jim

Memorable postings from our adoption trip to Ukraine:

• The Scourge of Ukraine - this is why Ukraine's orphan problem is a real humanitarian crisis.
• Going to Court - it's funny how we all get so wigged out about this. Dana wrote this beautiful post about that unforgettable day in Odessa.
• A Day in Odessa - for most adoptive families, the craziness doesn't really get started until the last few days. Type-A folks beware, NOTHING is predictable about this!
• Funky Odessa - this is a soulful city with fascinating people and surprisingly beautiful in places.
• Life in the Orphanage - nothing beautiful about this!
• Why Not Me? - a hard lesson learned.
• The Mysterious Oleg - if you're using the "Oleg team," here's the man behind those cryptic emails!
• The Ukrainian Holocaust - if your adoptive kids are from the pro-Russian parts of Ukraine (east or south), they need to know about this.
• Time Warp - I'll never forget this day, traveling back in time to an abandoned Soviet air base.
• The Permanent Things - as desperately poor as these people are, there remains much to be admired, and there's much for us to learn.
• Beach Party! - if you go in the Summer, make sure to check out the beaches.
• More on Odessa - prepare to have fun in this wild town!
• Homecoming! - the moment we all long for. I'll never forget seeing all our friends waiting for us!
  

A Great Summer Read

Colin Thubron must be one of the finest writers of our time. I came across Among the Russians (formerly titled "Where Nights Are Longest") on the excellent website of Dr. George Grant, a Presbyterian pastor in Franklin, TN, who has this extraordinary book listed among his 25 top "modern non-fiction titles."

If you've ever traveled in Russia or Ukraine (or plan to), you will be blown away by this fascinating story of Thubron's solo travels throughout Western Russia and Ukraine in the early 80's. He is stunningly perceptive while penetrating deeply into the soul of ordinary people, and his descriptions of them will hit home with anyone who's spent time in this mysterious part of the world:

"The whole country is like a requiem. In its consuming maternity, its individual children drown; and all other nations become petty or irrelevant - they are far away. From her own people Russia elicits a helpless worship of belonging. She contains them with the elemental despotism of an earth mother, and they feel for her the supplicant's tormented tenderness."

I love reading travel books in the Summer, and this is easily the finest in the travel genre I've ever read. If your adoption adventure takes you to Siberia, check out Thubron's In Siberia, which also gets rave reviews on Amazon.

Picture of the Week

We had a few moments of excitement recently when a brilliant rainbow appeared late in the evening. Everyone ran outside to take it in and it was made even more special when Galyna said that it was the first time she'd ever seen one!

The Joy of Mud

"...if you was my size the dirt would catch you up faster too."

-Nikki Giovanni

Farewell to Banner

Today was the last full day of school for the girls and we prepare to say goodbye to Banner Christian School with a very heavy heart. Teachers, administrators, fellow students and parents have embraced our daughters with nothing but love from the very first day they arrived.

Anastasia distinguished herself as an outstanding student, receiving awards for highest GPA in art and algebra, and for behavioral excellence. Headmaster Dr. Tom Burkett praised her for work ethic and gave her great encouragement for her academic future, reminding her to make the study of scripture her top priority as she prepares to study for the GED and move onto college.

Both girls were under tremendous pressure this year and we are so proud of what they accomplished. Galyna's Bible teacher says that she "blossomed" in the second half of the year and has shown great wonder and enthusiasm for serious study of the Bible. She made many friends, and this shot shows how sad she is to leave. Galyna's goal is to return after a year or two of getting back to basics in homeschool and we're going to leave that door open.

Choosing a school is probably the most challenging part of adopting older kids, and our family will always be grateful to God for bringing us to Banner Christian School.

A Tearful Farewell To TMS

After three wonderful years, we had to say a tearful goodbye today to Tuckahoe Montessori School. It is so fitting that Christian was comforted by his teacher, as he and his classmates marched out. Calling "Miss Shelly" a teacher simply doesn't suffice. She has been such an important part of our son's life and has given him the most precious gift -- a love of learning.

It was an especially emotional day as we bid farewell to a remarkable woman. "Miss Pat" is retiring 28 years after founding this wonderful school, the mission of which is to educate the "whole child." I learned much from her during many long conversations about education, and her devout Roman Catholic faith. I've been enriched by coming to understand how truly Catholic and liturgical a Montessori education is, to reflect the order of God's creation.

Miss Pat has brought great glory to God during a professional career devoted to education. She has been such a blessing to our family. How we will miss her!

I've never seen a more tradition-rich city than Richmond and it is not surprising that Miss Pat's daughter Amanda will take over as Director. It is institutions like TMS that make this a great city, and it is good to know that it is in such excellent hands.

Christian with buddies Caleb and Anton - the "Pups" as Christian calls them.

Sometimes you come across people who you just know are doing what they've been called in life to do and such is the case with Miss Shelly. For three year's, one of the constant refrains in our home has been "Miss Shelly said......" Christian has adored this woman from day one, and after three amazing years, it is so hard to say goodbye. She has made an impact on our family that will last forever, both inside the classroom and out.

We love you Miss Shelly and will miss you greatly!

Sharing Our Joy

In light of some of my recent self pitying posts, I've suddenly noticed how much joy we are surrounded by with our children. We are having a spectacularly beautiful Spring in Virginia, and our kids can't wait to go outside every day and play.

Christian has been reluctant to swing, but in the same week that he started riding his bike, he's conquered his fear of the swing! It's amazing to witness how much joy a child can have by simply swinging, and how much joy a parent gets by watching their children make progress.

Galyna is delighted now that watermelon season is here! This girl could easily consume a watermelon a day. We call them "galla-melons" around the house.

My older daughter has proven to be an excellent student, especially when it comes to studying the Bible. She reads and studies daily in her NIV and her Russian Bible, and has scored 100 on all her recent quizzes in Bible class. She actually scored 105 for acing the 91st Psalm - early!

Our daughters are one-quarter Jewish, so I like to imagine that Nastia seems to have an almost instinctive grasp of the Psalms. I think she is also beginning to "get" the gospel, and will soon meet with our Youth Pastor in preparation to become a communicant member of the church.

Witnessing this has provided her parents with a good lesson. We haven't pushed it on her, except to insist that she attends Sunday School, Worship, and Youth Group regularly. She was very unenthusiastic at first, but obviously God had different plans for her!

She has been surrounded by wonderful teachers, mentors, and so many people praying for her.

To God be the glory.

RAT PATROL!

Recently we had a pet swap as Galyna traded her rats to Christian for his fish.

The rats are entirely happy about this as now they get to ride on Christian's fire truck!

Christian has a blast watching the rats race through the kitchen. So far the only injury we've had is when Gabriella sustained a tail ding after crashing into the pantry.

She's expected to make a full recovery and is already back in action!

Breakthrough!

This is one of the happiest boys in America!

It has been such a joy to watch Christian conquer his fears of riding his bike. He's still on training wheels, but up until last week, he would not even sit on the seat. This is one of those truly unforgettable, sweet moments as a parent. I think Dana and I are just as thrilled as he is!

The "Problem" of Shyness

Is there something wrong with being shy? The Publishers Weekly review of Shyness: How Normal Behavior Became a Sickness, sums up the theme of this controversial book:

"Before you sell a drug, you have to sell the disease. And never was this truer than for social anxiety disorder," concludes English professor and Guggenheim fellow Christopher Lane in this scathing indictment of the American Psychiatric Association and the psychopharmacological industry. "

I probably won't read this book, but I heard a fascinating interview with the author on the excellent Mars Hill Audio Journal. The topic is of great interest to Dana and me as one of our daughters is extremely shy, well beyond the usual sullenness demonstrated by many adopted older children early on.

But Lane says "Wait a second!!!" Shyness used to be a virtue, especially for young ladies! They called it modesty, and your modest children do not need to be medicated! He points out that the bias against shyness is particularly problematic in America, where we put a premium on gregariousness.

When I heard him say that, I immediately thought of being in Moscow five years ago when we adopted Christian. Every morning we gathered in a huge dining hall for breakfast, and marveled as we observed how easy it was to spot an American (or Canadian) from a mile away! The Yanks and Canucks were always smily and chatty, while the Russians were typically dour, unexpressive and just plain unfriendly, at least at first glance (this is especially troubling for a Texan!). I was secretely thinking, "What's wrong with these people?"

Of course those who grew up in the Soviet Union had to be very careful about being open to strangers, but the fact is most people in the world just aren't nearly as extroverted as Americans, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with them.

That is something I've had to learn when it comes to my shy daughter. She doesn't immediately seek to ingratiate herself to everyone she meets (like me) and I frequently find myself getting frustrated at her seeming lack of social graces.

Maybe I could learn something from her?

The Persecuted Church

Just about everyone's heard of the genocide in Darfur being carried out by the Islamic Arab regime in Sudan. Less well known is a similar campaign of terror and mass murder that targeted Sudan's Christians in the South (the Darfur victims are black Muslims).

God Grew Tired Of Us is the shocking, yet ultimately uplifting story of a group of young men known as the Lost Boys. Thousands of them became refugees in the late 1980's with absolutely no one in the world to turn to. They walked literally thousands of miles to refugee camps, first in Ethiopia, then Kenya.

This fine documentary follows a group that gets to come to America. They had never used electricity their entire lives! This is a great movie for internationally adopted teenage children. Our daughters watched with fascination as the young Africans saw a refrigerator and a toaster for the first time. I don't think they ever realized that some people in the world actually have it alot worse than they did in Ukraine.

Most compelling to me was to see America through the eyes of strong Christian believers, who are shocked to see the way we live. At one point one of them says, "Who is this Santa Claus? .... Is he in the Bible?"

Moments like that are seen throughout and indeed many scenes are hilarious. But the most important thing about this film is that it reminds me that our Christian brothers and sisters throughout the world are suffering terribly.

Christians are the most persecuted people-group on the planet today. The mainstream media overlooks this fact daily, but if you live in many parts of Africa, South Asia or the Middle East, being a Christian is dangerous and deadly business. Unknown Christians are martyred daily throughout the world.

We need to speak out about this and pray for the more than 200-million Christians who are undergoing active persecution.

Our "ANNIE"

I recently learned that our older daughter, whom I've always known as Anastasia, has changed her name. I'd like to introduce you to.......Annie! A boy at school called her Annie one day in class, and apparently it stuck.

Our "Annie" is natural artist. She has an eye for all things beautiful, as you can see by her latest posting, demonstrating her photography skills.

Great Reads!

Ever since we adopted Christian from Moscow more than five years ago, I've been captivated by Russia and its sturdy people. I marvel at how they've maintained such dignity through centuries of oppression, even through the darkest days of communism, which targeted artists with particular vengeance.

One of the most impressive things is how average Russians and Ukrainians have been able to keep their artistic heritage alive. I see that right before my eyes, as our daughters are both known at school as being some of the best artists in their class.

I have a much greater appreciation for this part of my family's heritage (sounds strange to say that!) after reading the exhilirating Natasha's Dance, A Cultural History of Russia, by British scholar Orlando Figes. This is a big book, but don't be put off by that. It's highly readable with lots of chapter breaks and the pace is brisk. A warning though: reading this book is likely to transform you into a Russophile if you weren't already!

While you're at Amazon, go ahead and order this inspirational little book. My Beloved Russia is the testimony of a young man growing up as a promising scientist and a pawn in the Soviet system. After becoming a Christian, Dimitry Mustafin becomes an underground evangelist at great risk to himself and his family.

It's a fast read, and the translation is on a middle school reading level, so it is perfect for our adopted teenagers. It would be a great read-aloud book for the whole family. And if your faith needs it, it is sure to give you a kick in the pants!

Our "GallaGirl"

Our Galyna is a little locomotive who puts all our parenting skills to the test! Yet she's also brought so much positive energy and creativity into our family as well. One day she decided that she wanted a new purse, so she just sat down and started making one!

She says she doesn't like her "G" purse very much, but I know this will become a treasured family keepsake. It also provided me with one of those special moments when I was able to appreciate our daughter's gifts, as opposed to complaining about how little education they received in Ukraine, etc.

Galyna recently prepared family dinner all by herself, with just a little coaching from mom.

On the menu was her favorite...

Galla-Chops - seasoned with flour, bread crumbs and pepper. They were a smash hit!

Of course just about no dinner around our house would be complete without our staple -- instant mashed pototoes. We go through at least two jumbo size boxes a week! (Dana recommends a very dry Chardonnay to top off this scrumptious combination!)

Christ Is Risen!

"The Man in Christ rose again: not only the God. That is the whole point." (C.S. Lewis)

What joy it was to celebrate Easter as a family today! One year ago we were on pins and needles, praying for some good news to come from the SDA in Kiev. For all of you who are now agonizing through some stage of the "process," I hope this shot gives you hope.

The Agony

Philosophers have measured mountains,Fathomed the depths of seas, of states, and kings,Walked with a staff to heaven, and traced fountains: But there are two vast, spacious thingsThe which to measure it doth more behoove:Yet few there are that sound them: Sin and Love.

Who would know Sin, let him repairUnto Mount Olivet; there shall he seeA man so wrung with pains that all his hair, His skin, his garments bloody be.Sin is that press and vice, that forceth painTo hunt his cruel food through every vein.

Who knows not Love, let him assayAnd taste that juice, which on the cross a pikeDid set again abroach; then let him say If ever he did taste the like.Love is that liquor sweet and most divineWhich my God feels as blood; but I, as wine.

George Herbert (1639)

Deciding to Home School

As I learned since beginning the older child adoption plunge more than two years ago, undoubtedly the biggest and hardest decision parents make upon returning home is school. For a number of reasons, we've decided to become a home school family when the next school year begins.


More emotional energy has gone into this that I ever anticipated, mostly because we love the Christian school that the girls have attended this year. They've been surrounded by the most loving, caring and competent teachers and staff we could ever have dreamed of. It has been an ideal first year as the girls have immersed themselves in their new language and have been in a safe and welcoming learning environment.


But the plain truth is, we're exhausted. We spend over an hour a day commuting to and from school and it occured to us that we are already "after-schooling" anyway. Frequently, we're up late at night doing homework.


Home schooling will allow us to give the girls the individual attention they desperately require. In Anastasia's case, she turns 18 in October, and currently she is enrolled in both 8th and 9th grade classes. We've decided to concentrate on Language Arts this summer, and then prepare her to take the GED sometime in 2009. She will then be eligible to enroll in community college.
She is a very hard worker and we are confident that this is a wise plan for her.


Galyna has been under tremendous pressure to keep pace with a rigorous sixth grade curriculum and we don't want her confidence to erode. She's thrived socially, so she's not very happy about it, but home schoolers in our area have an abundance of opportunities for sports, music and other extra-curricular activities.


Of course this brings up the biggie -- what about socialization? The home school parents we've talked to say it's a total non-issue. See this article for an excellent refutation to the oft-heard criticism of home schoolers being unsocialized.

Meanwhile, Christian is totally psyched. His love of learning keeps us all on our toes and Dana and I thrilled about having the privilege of being able to teach him full time. Anastasia has already starting teaching him the Russian alphabet!

We may be crazy by diving in with all three of our children. This is indeed a leap of faith, but we've been taking alot of those lately, and so far, so good!

Larry Norman 1947-2008

I've been so saddened this week after learning of the death of Larry Norman. I was a confused teenager in the late 1970's, already living self destructively and most likely headed for an early death.

I'm not sure when I first heard his music, but I'll never forget the way it made me feel to hear Norman sing with such grit and honesty about life's struggles. But his music always pointed to the hope he had in Christ and as an alienated young man feeling like an outcast, the hope I heard about from Norman was my lifeline, and it still is.

Please do yourself a favor and watch this 2006 performance of "Let The Rain Fall Down."

I thought I was a worthless servant

I didn't know I was your son

and I didn't know you had forgiveness for

everything that I had done

Praise God for my brother in heaven, Larry Norman

Gittin Sum Culture

I often say that I grew up on the redneck side of a redneck city. But this Houston, Texas native has been trying get some culture lately. One of the things all of our adopted children can be proud of is the rich artistic heritage of Russia and Ukraine.

Thus, I forked out $120 to buy tickets to take my lovely daughters to the Virginia Opera's first-ever production of a Russian Opera. Tchaikovsky's Eugene Onegin was spectacular, at least to my untrained eyes and ears.

But the enduring memory for me will undoubtedly will be the observation made by Galyna during intermission. "So, how do you like the opera?" I asked. "It's okay," shrugged Galyna, "but I don't like all the singing."

That quote goes down in the Hall of Fame category. Other adoptive parents know what I mean!

Not to be deterred by my quest to bring high culture into our home, Nastia began her piano lessons with Olga, a lovely Russian woman who hails from Nizhyni Novgorod and moved to Richmond last summer to live with her daughter and grandchildren. Olga was all business in introducing Nastia to her new hobby. Nastia is a very hard worker and I've got a feeling that she is beginning something very special.

Avoiding the Poor House

As stupid as it sounds, I just didn't realize how much girls eat! It didn't take long to realize that having two teenage daughters exposed our budgeting defects in a frightening way. With a family of three, we had been able to pretty much wing it when it came to grocery shopping, meal planning, etc. Something had to change.

This book has been a Godsend! Dana and I are reading it together and it has already made a huge difference in getting our spending under control. The chapter on how to grocery shop is revolutionary. It's all common sense stuff, but the degree to which we had become automated mass consumers, wasting huge percentages of our God-given resources, is astonishing. I don't exaggerate in saying this is the most important book I've ever purchased.


I've been so convicted lately in grasping the fact that we are teaching our children how to live, and chances are very high that they will make decisions about their lifestyles based on what they see their parents do.

Thus, I've taken to teaching Christian some vital life skills! He doesn't care if his clothes come from the thrift store. No sense on spending 15 dollars on a pair of pajamas anyway because he refuses to wear a matching top and bottom!

And, he has no idea that I traded his old plastic slide and toddler bed for his new/old clothes! We're also trying to nurture his interest in non-electronic forms of recreation. Becoming slaves to the whole video and computer entertainment world comes with a price to pay in more ways than one.

At the seven month mark, we are a family. Nearly all of the strangeness has gone. It feels almost natural, and now that we're getting a grip on the financial shock of clothing, feeding, medicating and educating two teenagers, we are confident going forward. Dana's already talking about another adoption!

Maybe She Has A Point?

I knew something was up when I heard Galyna laughing hysterically downstairs. She was treating our 13 year old cat "Champ" to a ride on my office chair, spinning him around like a top:

Dad: Galyna....Don't do that! Champy is too old and I don't think he's enjoying it."

Galyna: "Sometimes old people need doing for himself fun!"

Good Movies

It didn't take long to figure out that our daughter's did not learn much about history at the orphanage and much to their father's dismay, they showed no enthusiasm for my attempts to engage them about their own country's history, or any other historical topic. But they love movies, and we've seen some outstanding films portraying important moments in the 20th century, and this has been an effective means of getting them excited about history.

Here are three favorites:


Sophie Scholl is one of the powerful movies I've ever seen. It is the true story of a college-age German woman who demonstrates stunning moral courage in standing up to the Nazis. The end of movie somberly demonstates her Christian faith.

The story of the Rwandan genocide is something I've only been learning about in the past year. Like many Westerners, I had known something terrible happened somewhere in Africa in 1994, but I'm ashamed to say that it didn't have much effect. I've seen three movies that have awakened me to this modern holocaust and in my mind, Beyond the Gates is the best. The great John Hurt gives a memorable and believable portrayal of a Priest ministering to a group of doomed refugees.

Our daughters are one-quarter Jewish and they had never heard about the Holocaust! This 1970's movie stars Patricia Neal as the heroic Corrie Ten Boom and it has stood the test of time well. The Hiding Place is beautifully acted and haunting. I liked it particularly because it shows how Ten Boom faced a crisis of faith in unimaginably horrific circumstances. It is long, but gripping throughout.

Music Recommendation

We spend alot of time in the mini-van and until now, I thought it was impossible to keep everyone happy with music or books-on-tape selections.

Alas, I've made a wondrous discovery! It was risky given their general lack of enthusiasm for classical music, but I had read a good review of the Classical Kids CD series, and I grabbed Vivaldi's Ring of Mystery to sample.

The result is that it is a smash hit! - all three of our children, ages 6, 14, and 17 love it! They want to hear it every time they get in the car, and the bonus is, it is so well produced that I really like it too.

It's not your standard "teach your kids classical music" fare. Vivaldi's music is weaved throughout a story about a young orphan girl, who lives with other orphans at a school where all the children play instruments.

The story is fictional, but it drops in nuggets of truth and presents classical music in a unique and compelling way. This is something I can safely say is a good investment, and recommend highly. You can get the entire series on amazon for $35.